YOU Matter. Prioritize Yourself.

We’ve all been forced to find satisfaction in our lives without the stimulation of daily conversations with coworkers, social gatherings, and celebrations to look forward to. Without the feedback from others that keeps our spirits uplifted we’ve had to learn to “matter” to ourselves on a daily basis—to listen to ourselves and be our own personal emotional coaches. When you’re asked the question, “Do you care enough about your well-being to nurture yourself?” you probably think, “Of course, I care for myself.”  “How” you care for yourself may be a different story, especially when it comes to emotional health. 

Self-Care is a deliberate activity we plan, or schedule, to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. It’s fairly evident that taking care of our physical health involves good nutrition, exercise, and sleep. Activities that require we take action alone or with others. And, physical health can contribute to better mental and emotional health. Yet, it requires motivation and a healthy emotional state to find that energy to take positive self-care steps.  

Without a positive emotional and mental state, a healthy physical condition may seem impossible. Where do you begin sorting your feelings and finding the strength to motivate yourself when you’re feeling isolated, alone, or fatigued? 

Oftentimes, emotional health comes from a sense of belonging, and that requires feedback from others—it doesn’t necessarily come from within. Emotional needs are our connections to the external world, and the interactions that provide fulfillment. When our emotional needs are not met in the world, we suffer distress, anxiety, and depression as do those around us that we may be affecting. 

The three feelings most closely associated with mental and emotional security about oneself are: 

1. Feeling heard: Feeling as though what you’re saying is relevant and matters.
    
2. Feeling aligned: Feeling as though you and your team/family/friends are headed in the same direction.
    
3. Feeling valued: Feeling like your contribution uniquely matters. Not the quantity of work you’ve completed, but that you’ve contributed in a unique way that makes your effort important. 

Look within yourself for personal resources 

Without human interactions during this time of social isolation, where do you turn for validation and encouragement to help meet your emotional needs and motivate yourself to take positive steps?  Thankfully, our brains can be a resource. It may be a matter of listening to your head, rather than your heart, and taking steps that you KNOW will console or uplift you. Don’t wait for others to reach out to you, take the first step and reach out to them (they may be feeling the same way). 

Here’s a few suggestions to maintain connections and collect feedback: 

1. Find ways to stay connected to your larger community by contacting people you know who may also be self-isolating. Perhaps it’s time to renew an old friendship or even call or write to a distant friend or relative.
    
2. Allow yourself some privacy. If you live in a busy home with children or other relatives, this may be difficult. Agree to a set time and space that you can reflect on yourself, your feelings, and those things that give you a sense of control.
    
3. Follow a set routine, seek structure, and keep a list for yourself to demonstrate that you are making progress. Seek ways to confirm your security with where you are today and the foreseeable future.
    
4. Stretch yourself to learn a new skill. Seek opportunities for meaning and purpose—this creates a sense that we are needed by others and that we are contributing to a larger cause than only ourselves. 
    
5. Seek meaning in small moments by lifting others up. The meaning in our lives often comes from our relationships with others. And, scientific research provides compelling data supporting giving as a powerful way to personal growth and lasting happiness. Giving doesn’t always feel great—it can sometimes be draining and make us feel taken advantage of, so temper your giving with these thoughts:
    
   1. Give to people and organizations whose goals match your passion. It’s not how much you give, but how much you love giving to a particular, person, cause, or organization. Your contribution to a bigger cause than yourself is uplifting.
       
   2. Integrate your specific skills into your giving, so that you make your mark and feel uniquely valuable to the cause.
       
   3. Proactively give before you find yourself being “guilted”” or cajoled into contributing. Make sure you are giving selflessly and willingly, not begrudgingly.

Developing a positive perspective to meet the needs of our complicated lives is an emotional skill that we can practice daily. Building your emotional health is accomplished one step at a time, by introducing simple behaviors repetitively, over time. This enables each of us to improve how we feel emotionally and how we handle life’s challenges.